Workhorse

My Fears as an Introvert – from one Introvert to other Introverts and Extroverts

By Phil/Kords | Published 13 July 2024 | No Comments

Word Count: 1546
Time to Read: 6 minutes 11 seconds

Introverts are a rarity. Rarer than finding life on another planet in the expanse of the universe! Although sub-types exist among introverts, the underlying fact remains the same – they are not people who love to socialise. They may have fears common among them.

Introverts, what are they?

Introversion is a personality type considered as reserved, closed and un-socialising. If you find these words oppositely relating – you are an Extrovert.Contrary to popular belief, introverted personality types aren’t shy. They do not talk as expected and do not keep in touch as expected. For example, I do not call the world over the weekends or when I have the time to spare. More about this aspect later in the post.

Psychology Today has an interesting take on Introversions: Introversion is a basic personality style characterised by a preference for the inner life of the mind over the outer world of other people. One of the Big Five dimensions that define all personalities, introversion sits on a continuum at the opposite end of which is extroversion. Compared to extroverts, introverts enjoy subdued and solitary experiences.

Introverts do not fear or dislike others, and they are neither shy nor plagued by loneliness. A crowded cocktail party may be torture for introverts, but they enjoy one-on-one engagement in calm environments, which is more suited to the make-up of their nervous system.

Things that introverts are in general:

I am not going to delve into the sub-types of introverts. Identifying an introverted person is hard, finding one is difficult – and making genuine friends with one is the hardest. Whether I will be your friend or not depends on my thought processes. You can never determine if you can be my friend. At the most, you will be just an acquaintance or a colleague.

Mistaking introversion for having an attitude is another problem people unaware of this personality type should know. No one has told me this. If I am wrong, you are then welcome to correct me. I digress.

Introverts generally talk among their colleagues and “friends” (I put friends in quotes because not everyone I call a friend is a friend unless I mean one to be). My colleagues in my workplace are smart enough to understand my reserved nature. Even though I have been working for the past several months on the project – little to no interactions between us exist. So, small talk or mixing up with them is not preferred.

Of course, during work hours if I have to interact with someone, then that leaves me with little to no choice but to talk. In the end, the completion of work takes precedence.

Discovering my Introversion:

I had not known my personality type was called Introverts. I remember I was bad at keeping in touch with my friends during vacation. I was busy with my friends in the society where I lived. Back then, the now-extinct landline phones existed. The Internet that is today didn’t see the light of day. We had video games and toys.   

Fast forward to the time when I started working. I found it hard to keep in touch with some good friends. Despite my best intentions, I could not be in touch with them. It bothered me until I wanted to know why I was the way I was.

Enter- Introversion:

It was hard for me to understand this personality type although I was one of them. I still carried on.

More than ten years ago, I gradually accepted my personality type. I am glad the way I am because if it weren’t for my introversion, it would not be possible to give time for three different projects. These projects are close to my heart. The less time I have for the outside world – the more time I have for my projects.

Even before I started my projects, I played games on my PC and watched YouTube. I watched a series that I longed to see – keeping an eagle eye on the latest releases of films in theatres.

Now, however, I have little time for leisure and devote more time to the projects. The challenge of consistency exists.

How do I as an introvert avoid socialising?

Let me begin with another question – How do people generally socialise? Your answer may be – maintaining an eye-contact. It leaves you with no choice but to face that person and greet them – possibly even exchange a few pleasantries!

Eye contact is the keyword here. At a distance, I can easily see that person. I do not change routes or make an excuse for avoidance. I make little to no eye contact whenever we pass by. My action may sound rude, but it is not insulting. That’s because (in general) I do not talk to that person otherwise. When I suspect they would smile to make an acquaintance I usually look elsewhere with little to no facial expressions.

As an example, during the Lok Sabha Elections of 2024, I stood in the line to cast my vote. The queue was long. Incidentally, two voters ahead of me were “known” people. One of them is a good family friend and maintained excellent relations with my extroverted mom and my Dad when he was alive. He greeted me – out of respect – I reciprocated and spoke with him a few times but dared not encourage him to take the conversation further.

On rare occasions, if he makes the first move, we exchange a few pleasantries. On other occasions, I do not make any eye contact. Half of my work is completed when I do not make eye contact.

What if that person wants to talk to me? If the opposite person initiates small talk, I won’t disrespect them. I will talk. The above scenario best explained my situation.

How do I as an introvert socialise?

When I call someone a friend. That person is truly a friend for life. I cherish the relationship a friendship brings and deliver it.  

A select few people exist within my circle where I am in constant touch.

I rarely party and rarely go out except with family. Since I have a small circle of friends, it helps me with more time to do what I love – Blogging (like I am doing right now), Youtubing and Producing Music. Today I completed re-doing two pages on Facebook, one for my gaming channel and the other for Aethyereia.

When at home, this is what I do most of the time besides spending time with family.

When with friends, I eat and drink a handful of times a year or maybe even less. I don’t keep count of these things. Drinking isn’t important – eating is.

Enter My Introverted Fears:

My Daughter is 3 years of age. Her schooling begins as she turns four. With her education, she makes friends in school, and with her school friends come their parents. With their parents comes small talk – something I am not prepared to accept.

During her pre-school days, I would drop her to the school and bring her back. I would do that on occasions when I was on leave. I would not talk with anyone or exchange pleasantries with them. I guess they knew at the first instance how reserved-natured I am. My wife has come to accept this personality type, but my daughter has yet to understand.

I understand that at the end of the day – I need to have friends. Friends that I can rely on, I can trust and share my ups and downs. I have found two to three individuals I call friends in my workplace.

I have also accepted that I would have to “talk” or maintain relations with my daughter’s best friend’s parents. I am not sure how that goes. But, I will have to wait and see how it turns out.

My Introverted challenges:

Being an introvert also makes it hard to network. The projects that I work on need a solid foundation in networking. I am learning how to use social media for marketing my work, building relations with varied people across the globe and maintaining the relations with time.

Social media was never my thing. Changing my perception and accepting the reality that I needed to introduce in my life and attain my goals prompted me to step in that direction.

Many introverts find it hard because of the world around them. I say to such people, don’t let the world decide how you should do your things. Be yourself, love yourself and make the world come to you with your talents – as I am with my writing, music production and blogging. It is time to make the world stand up and listen. There isn’t any lack of talent in this world. There is only a lack of guidance.

Fears are going to come and go. Challenges will exist, and we must take it up. We, as introverts, have to deal with it in our way. Don’t change who or what you are. That is the worst you could do to yourself.

If you are as talented as me, it would be wise to start with some networking at the beginning rather than later. Trust me it helps in the long run.

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