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The ‘change’ after childbirth

By Phil/Kords | Published 7 November 2020 | No Comments

For those of you who have had a child will know what I am talking. Those couples who are preparing for childbirth or are expecting one or twins this is for you. In this post, I will share the previous months of our attempts of starting a family and the change in the first two months. 

Picture your life before having a child. It may not be that dissimilar from all the other couples out there. You may go out for dinner, watch a movie, visit long destinations, adventure sports; the list goes on. Some do things differently. All of this changes once you have a child in the house. 

I am penning down my experience of this very change. I hope with my post, expecting couple are better prepared. Couples with newborn child or children can relate. 

The previous months and the first month: 

Let me share an experience that prompted me to change the delivery hospital. The medical practitioner we consulted for starting a family is a good doctor. Although she is good, the service was terrible. It was the least of our concerns. They were bad at inventory management, mismanagement and was a needless waste of our time. 

For example, for the sake of taking injection – the hospital staff were unsure if they had any stock. Due to that, I had to run to the medical store to buy it. Phoebe then called me when I was mid-way and informed me that they have the stock. This was just one in many instances when we had problems. On another occasion, we had to wait for hours for the sake of taking an injection. Just an injection! 

Due to her inability to help us start a family (we had been consulting her for years), she referred us to a specialist in another hospital. It was in this hospital that Pandora was born with the fourth procedure. Yes, we underwent three prior tries during these previous 3 years.  

At that time, I was expecting twins – but as per God’s will – one of them did not survive after the 8th month.

Phoebe and I wanted to deliver our child at this hospital because of the service we received. Despite the fact, it was pricey but finance-wise we were prepared. 

I had this thing in me that I want to give my child the best. One day I will take her to this hospital and let her know she was born here. 

You might want to do the same. Cost may be a factor for everyone to consider. Maternity could be a one-time financial strain on you. Be prepared. Start thinking like a father. You want to give your child the best. The cost can be a factor for everyone to consider. But if you are better prepared, you can manage to give your child the best at the time of delivery. 

You should, too, be better prepared financially to make sure the maternity process goes through smoothly. Leave no room for ambiguity.

For instance, the hospital had a package deal, my corporate medical insurance has a cap for maternity. The cap varies across corporates. So, you will have to keep the spare amount ready. Do the calculations beforehand don’t stop there. You will also need to keep a buffer amount just in case. It is always better to be safe. My sister-in-law was the back-up. Phoebe had made ample savings to be better prepared. She is good at it. 

The first month consists of confusion, sleep disruption, chaos and at times – helplessness. The only communication you have with your child is through the sense of touch. Your child cannot talk, make hand signs or elaborate on what he or she is going through. This situation will mark your budding confusion on struggling to understand your child. He or she will cry. 

Your child needs constant breastfeeding after a few hours. For different couples, the hours may vary. For me, it was around every 2 hours. The timing is not precise. 

Your child will cry for two reasons – hunger and bedwetting. Be prepared to attend to your child after a gap of a few hours. It is bound to disrupt your sleep cycle. If unlike me, you do not have a migraine problem, then you will be on your toes. 

Fifteen days after Pandora was home, I did not suffer a migraine. Praise God! But, I knew an attack sooner or later was imminent. 

There are times when you are helpless. Your child cries and you don’t know why. It is despite the fact, he or she was properly fed and had a good sleep. The reason for the temporary helplessness is without a perfect answer. It may happen and may not. If the crying is persistent and you are too concerned, it is always advisable to seek a doctor’s opinion. Do not be your doctor, nor you should take advice from non-doctors. You must take a call yourself. You have to decide what is best for your child.

What this change does to you and what it did to me:

Priority. Your child will always be your priority. You will stop looking at your self as a husband/wife lesser and more at yourself as a father/mother.

My order of priority before Pandora:

1. YouTube channel- GamerPhoeny
2. Xyneohphoenyx.com – Blog posts at least once a week
3. Music project – this at the moment occupies the least important because I do not have a good hardware/software to make music, this involved researching, learning, practising and making music.

My order of priority after Pandora:

1. Pandora
2. YouTube channel- GamerPhoenyx
3. Xyneohphoenyx.com – Blog posts at least once a week
4. Music project 

If you, unlike me, do not have long-term secondary income generating processes, then you are way better off than me.

If I would add 5th and 6th pointers that would involve adding household chores and office work. Now especially, due to minor department re-structuring, there are changes in my schedule. One of the team member in my team was transferred to another team, so there are only two of us subordinates doing the work. This unprecedented work pressure is taking a toll on my personal life. I hope it is temporary. 

I will blog about Pandora as the months pass by and share our experiences as parents. 

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